Before: 

In my opinion, what makes a good friend is someone who is going to be there for you no matter what. Some things that make up a good friend would be being a good listener, being able to be open minded, having extreme empathy, someone who makes me laugh and someone who makes me feel good about myself. As to the statement “So what happens if you’re raised from a young age to see virtual interactions as akin to physical ones?” This is a very real concern that I fear we may already be feeling the effects from. I have heard from multiple parents with young kids who had to suffer through online school in the elementary years are now acting out because they missed fundamental social learning blocks because of the online schooling. 

After: 

What makes a good friend is someone who is going to be there for you in good times and in bad times. Qualities that are integral to being a good friend include being a good listener, being open minded, being honest and trustworthy and having extreme empathy. Other desirable qualities are,someone who makes me laugh and someone who makes me feel good about myself. As to the statement “So what happens if you’re raised from a young age to see virtual interactions as akin to physical ones?” This is a very real concern that I fear we may already be feeling the effects from. I have heard from multiple parents with young kids who had to suffer through online school in the elementary years are now acting out because they missed fundamental social learning blocks because of the online schooling. Virtual interactions have also had a negative effect on tweens and teens as well. They are less able to have a conversation face-to-face, they make less eye contact and are less engaged on an emotional level.

Comments:

My revisions definitely made what I was trying to say more clear and made my ideas have more flow. My revisions also made the paragraph a little longer but not by much. In the paragraph before it feels more like I’m listing things out and in the revised paragraph it sounds more like a conversation. I made it clear that those are the qualities that I am looking for in a friend and I went more into depth about how virtual interactions have affected the younger generations.